Confused kitty rantings|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Friday, July 11th, 2008|
|Bitches and hoes!
Sooo, it looks like my sister is gay!
That's all fine and dandy and anyone who knows me knows that it wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'm happy for her, which I am.
But there is ways to go about things and there are some lines that should never be crossed and I don't care how fucking confused or anything you are, being an absolute bitch and trying to tear apart the lives of everyone around just isn't right.
Out of all my family (my mum is mostly excluded from this rant) and the lies, deception, betrayal, dislike etc that goes on, I always thought my sister was the one that I could trust completely, that she would tell me what she thought and not be like the others. I thought she was the one that I must like and I was so proud of that, and her. I guess that's why I'm not only confused by how she has been acting but am really hurt by it.
She has been married for like 17-18 years and has two teenage kids and she has been planning on leaving him but wants to set herself up first with a uni degree and such, fair enough... But if she is gonna go around behind his back then just stop it now before you break the whole family, including the kids :(
So in short, here is what happened: My brother's fiance became good friends with my sister (coz she wanted to become part of the family) and they are about the same age... She was having problems with my brother (a lot, coz he is a bit of an arsehole) and was confiding in my sister as a really close friend. My sister kept telling her to leave and sprouting crap about my brother being the devil and exactly like our father blah blah blah... Then when mum came back from visiting my brother and his family, my sister told his fiance that mum was saying all this crap about her being a terrible mother, the worst housekeeper, not good enough for her son, doesn't want her as part of the family etc etc all total loads of utter bullshit and completely fabricated lies from my sister just to make said fiance feel isolated from the rest of the family. Then when she went up there to visit our nephew, she refused to see my brother and instead was hitting on his fiance and trying to get her into bed... WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT TO THEIR LITTLE BROTHER THAT THEY USED TO CHANGED THE NAPPIES FOR!!! My brother has put me through a hell of a lot more grief then he ever put her through and I would never ever ever do something like that to him because its completely wrong and low!
Last week I was up there visiting and his fiance was telling me about it and how uncomfortable it made her feel and how my sister is still telling that she is in love with her and wants her etc! Hearing that my bastard sister made her freaking cry by continuously telling her that my mum hated her ripped my heart apart. I almost cried when she was telling me, thank god I had sunnies on, lol... When I went to bed that night though, I just cried my eyes out and couldn't stop, I finally find security with something in my family and its ripped out from underneath me once again!
If she has fallen in love with my brother's fiance, I can't blame her for that and I'm not mad at her, but I doubt it coz my sister is very selfish (and always has been) and just takes about how annoy she is, so I can't see her actually being in love, I think she just wants to experiment. Regardless though, you may not be able to control your feelings but you can control what you do about them and its just not right!
What I am most hurt/mad at though is all the complete lies she said about mum! All this time that she has been saying that shit, she has been going out for lunch with us and going shopping and be all loving (well, as much as she can) and in her head she is plotting ways to make mum look like a huge cow... I'm not talking to her now, she doesn't know I know (or mum) about this and she doesn't know I'm not talking to her, lol, but how can I? I have no idea what she thinks of me now and I know she will just ask me about my trip up there and regardless of what about how great I think my brother's fiance is (coz I do!) she will just tell her I've said some nasty shit! Not that she believes anything my sister says anymore, but it still must grate on her mind :( My sis already has told her that I said I would not go up and visit them unless she was coming with me (and she wasn't welcome) which is the total opposite seeing I already said I was going but it would have been nice if she came too coz I get shy.
FUCK! Maybe my sister is the one telling the truth and my bro's fiance made I all so I don't know what to think anymore... My family is just an utter mess as always and I just wish I knew where I stood with them :( I miss my sister that I thought I knew, I was becoming so close to her, which I've never had before coz of our age gap and I loved her so much and now I have no idea... I just wish she would stop stringing people along until i suits her and not be so manipulative... I'm scared for my niece and nephew (especially my niece) if/when they find out, I can't imagine they will be too impressed with their mother skimming behind their father's back while still living off his money from the two jobs he has to provide for her.
Its not even 1pm and now I'm all emotionally drained for the day, lol... oh well, life goes on! Current Mood: crushed
|Friday, May 23rd, 2008|
|BEWARE: really boring emotional ranting about shit that no one cares about!
Firstly, things I love right now: My right thumbnail, exclamation marks, TakaGaki pervyness (HOT HOT HOT HOT), Miki Fujimoto, my Jakiebon talking to me and my Mikitty trying to fight running water, silly kitty cat. Current Mood: lonely
Now for everything else!
I am really sick of picking up the fucking peices for my family. I've been doing this since as long as I can remember and all I really want to do now is move away from it all and look after myself, but that ain't happening anytime soon. People say when you move out of home that you aren't prepared for how much it will cost you, but I think it will cost me less! I pay about $120 board a week, I pay for groceries roughly every 2nd week, I pay the full phone and internet bill, i fill the petrol tank every week and a halfish and I've lost count of how much money I have given mum over the last couple of months for other things, its gotta be close to $1500 in itself, maybe more. And that doesn't really annoy me coz I get the money coz she needed it anyway, but what annoys me is when she then has the opportunity to make herslef almost $80 extra a week (which would be a big difference to us) while giving me extra time for uni work, but she doesn't want to do it coz she doesn't want to work anymore. She says how much she hates having to ask me for money and she has a chance to change that but refuses to take it, argh! But she is my mother so its all good and I'll keep on truckin and looking after as I do (not just on a financial level). So I am over that :)
But now, my fucking brother went and got himself fired from his job in Alice Springs coz once again, he can't control his bloody temper. So now I get to have him moving back home next week, two weeks before my exams! Its hell when he is living here. Sure i think this is his home too and he should be welcome here, but if he is gonna be here, he needs to treat his mother with some bloody respect! He knows what to say/do to cut her heart into peices and almost every 2nd night he is here, he does it! Of course I can never tell him to grow up and treat her with respect coz then he goes on about how I get treated as the favourite and how I'll never make it in life on my own blah blah blah. Maybe I am the fucking favourite coz I'm the only one out of the 4 of us who hasn't fucked mum around at some point and made her life hell! I haven't verbally and emotionally abused her till she is in a pit of depression, I haven't been so absorbed with myself that I don't notice/care about her problems (let alone my own childrens!), I haven't lost my temper in arguments with her many times and literally gone for her throat! Instead, I'm the youngest who copes all the shit you three throw at her and glue her back together every fucking time! So why the hell shouldn't I be the favourite!
Okkkkkkk, there was so much more I wanted to yell and scream about in regards to my brother and even my sister and hell the other brother too but thats just surface stuff... Everything above I've been keeping in for years, and still am really, the people who need to hear it (my family) never will and hell, its only the very beginning of all their crap! Damn PMS bringing this all up today, not letting me function at uni coz of it, so I came home early!
Ok I need to go read some TakaGaki goodness to get into a better frame of mind... I really hope those two are secretly together and one day will come out about their hot lesbian love affair and graduate Morning Musume hand in hand and live happily ever after *daydreaming sigh*
P.S. I miss being in a relationship, i need to start caring about my appearance etc so I can find someone (or something, hmmm)
P.P.S. My ex is an idiot who also still looks to me to pick up his peices too, and to think I thought I got away from that crap with him, lol.
P.P.P.S. Koda Kumi scares the shit out of me, I think i will have nightmares of her tonight! I REALLY wish she didn't sell so much and would soon disappear out of the music industry and into the porn industry where she belongs :)
P.P.P.P.S. (last one I promise) I'm gonna go stare at the full pic of my icon for a while *grins*
|Saturday, May 3rd, 2008|
|People, family, money... Who needs/wants any of them?! Not me!
OK so right to the point, I'm sitting her being all studious and trying to get into essay research mode and then guess what, stupid uni people make my brain all sore yet again. Current Mood: frustrated
Now starting at the beginning... According to our course outline or 2nd (and more important) essay for one course was due in June, fabulous me thinks, time to get other assignments done first. WRONG! Last monday I get back to uni after two week break and find out the essay is 'actually' due in 10 days from the Monday, which sucked totally coz it meant I had it due on wednesday, major lab report due the following monday and Statistics assignment (never easy, nor fun) due 2 days after that on the wednesday. Ok so I finally come to terms with that and sort out how I'll get it all done sufficiently and then I go to check the question again to be sure while I write my notes and SURPRISE an announcement from the head tutor saying:
"There is some confusion about due dates for Essay 2
To confirm Essay 2 is due for submission on Friday 7th June, 2008 at Hub by 5.00 pm.
Any reference to an earlier date in the Schedule (Lab 8 Essay 2 Due 07/05/08) can be regarded as an error in the course outline.
Ok firstly, 7th of June is a Saturday not Friday so that's out and secondly, that's what the bloody course outline said at the start so we can't regard it as an error seeing it was fucking right so WTFH is going on!!! I won't be able to get a clear answer till late Monday arvo which means if the 7th of May think stands it will be due 1-2 days (depends on how you look at it) after I get a clear answer... I knew this course was doomed from the start coz they have too many people trying to run it who obviously can't use their multiple degrees and many years of experience to communicate together! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Family, as usual, suck arse and I obviously have a very crappy bloodline no matter where I look, lol! I really don't feel like spending more money on Mother's Day (I have my reasons) but obviously I will coz despite it, I like spoiling her :-p
Finally, if only everything in the world could be as perfectly sweet as TakaGaki (and as damn freaking hot too!)
(let it load!)
<3 TakaGaki moments are just so cute, always make me smile/melt, lol. <3
|Tuesday, April 1st, 2008|
|I can dream, can't I?!
I want to join Hello!Project :'-(
Seeing how much the girls enjoy and really love what they do and how happy they always are, it makes me happy too... But it really makes me wish I was a part of that just for the joy they get and the social factor of it all (its not like they can ever lack someone to chat with).
Now all I need is to become Japanese (Asian in general would help at least), become skinny (Ahahahaha! i do try) and move to Japan... Singing isn't an issue if Sayu can make it, it gives me hope :-D
They are lucky lucky girls, and I'm glad for the most part, they realise that... I'll just have to settle for smiling along with all their contagious smiles and becoming happy just from watching them, awww!
Pathetic entry I know, lol!
*scurries off to bed for long day ahead*
P.S. My mum called Mittsi a mentally retarded kid today... well she said she looked like one the way she was acting, but still agrees she is cute so its ok!
P.P.S. Friday can't come fast enough... I want to be fixed already dammit!!!!!!! Current Mood: sore
|Thursday, March 27th, 2008|
|Long ranting Berryz Koubou ranking!
Well now, like promised (a month ago) time for my Berryz Koubou rankings... Now be warned, I hand wrote this out first when i had spare moments at uni (read: when I was sitting at the train station surrounded by people and I'm write strange things about young Japanese girls, hmmm) and Risako alone was half a page so this may turn out to be a looong entry, lol.
That's right, be prepared for my Risako rant. I adore this girl for many different reasons than most of her Japanese supporters (aka, old men who love to drool over her... she is 13 guys, go drool over Yuko, I believe she is still searching for a husband). As to why I love Risako, so many great points about her. Its coz of her "Yes my love" in Munasawagi Scarlet that I started liking Berryz, prior to noticing her I was a bias C-ute fan. She is such a cutie pie but not in the annoying kind of way, more like the "I want to pinch your cheeks and make babbling sounds at you" way. When she was younger she was such an awkward shy kid, especially on stage and her singing was pretty darn bad, but now as a teenager she is THE face of Berryz and one of the leads and aren't I proud! Her voice is so much better now, its unique and I love it! Her solo lines in Dschinghis Khan totally rock and I almost cried when I first heard them coz I was so proud, lol. With 3 PBs to her name at 13, she is the princess of PBs and I am sure one day she will take over the queen title from Ai. I didn't really say much about her personality so maybe if I'm generous I'll put up some of my fave Risako clips from youtube later.
2) Miyabi: Originally I only started liking Miya out of loyalty to Risako as they are so close, but then her gorgeous voice hooked me on its own. There is a reason why she is the lead singer for Berryz and part of the awesomeness that is Buono! Personality wise, Miya is a goofball but not in a goofy way, lol. She is goofy but ultra cool at the same time! With Miki saying she finds it hard to get along with Miyabi, it makes me think she has some attitude (she certainly does seem like it) and anyone who knows me, knows I love me some 'tude, just look at my cat :p Oh and as side note, she is super smart too!
3) Momoko: I find Momo to be an acquired taste that I've certainly developed a liking for. One word to describe her is CUTE! another is short, lol. A lot of people don't like her high pitched cutesy singing voice but I love it coz although its high pitched, its also almost always in tune (kinda). Hell in Buono! she doesn't even sing that high and its great, so she obviously has a versatile voice. Most interesting thing about Momo is she pretty much looks exactly like she did when she was like 10 and now she is 16!
4) Yurina: Yurina is a freak of nature, end of story... She is hugely tall for a Japanese girl, especially for a 14 yr old, and looks like a giant against the other members. She is kinda the quiet achiever, being one of the 4 front girls helps show off her pretty voice and stunning model looks though. Like Miya, she has the brains to go with it and plays the piano. She does seem like such a real sweetie, even if she isn't as much of a camwhore as most of her band mates.
5) Maasa: Maasa is a bundle of laughs, her and Chinami make up the comedy duo of the group and its a shame she doesn't get more exposure coz I do enjoy her voice. Watching behind the scenes footage really lets you see Maasa's personality and in future she may even pass Yurina and Momo. I have two fave Maasa moments 1) Throwing poor tiny Chisato across the floor when they were younger and 2) her brilliant engrish skills " I am Maasa Sudou... aaaa.... I am curool! *thumbs up*" And I agree :D
6) Chinami: Chinami, just like Maasa, lacks exposure but behind the scenes moments make her priceless. She seems to be a big practical joker and who doesn't love that?! Her little dancing and clips in the latest PV (Dschinghis Khan) REALLY made her stand out for me and its a shame she is so low, but they are all so great! Like Maasa, she may go higher one of these days. My fave Chinami moment = (this is all in english/engrish btw)
Chinami: This is Miyabi.
Chinami: She is my girlfriend
Miyabi: No... No no no no no no!
Chinami: *looks at the camera and walks away leaving Miya repeating No in English* :p
7) Saki: Finally, the Captain... She doesn't deserve to be last! Captain is a great leader, despite her shortness and also an INCREDIBLE dancer. Like the two above her, she lacks exposure in songs but the latest PV also lets her shine as the bubbly, chirpy one... In some ways, she reminds me of Morning Musume's good ole' Mako (whom I miss dearly!) but without some of the attention seeking. I think she is a brilliant captain for Berryz and one they can all rely on to be there for them when it gets tough. I don't think any of the others would be as good as Saki at this. See, I do still love her, despite being last on the list :p
IN OTHER NEWS!
* I am soooooo Happy Maki is finally back! *fangirls for the 100th time since last night* And damn she looks great all badass for her blog header (she loves that hoodie, if seen her wearing it many times, but good i love it too)... But she cut her hair *sobbing* why do they always do that to me :(
* Tomorrow (I think) I shall be placing my first order for H!P cds YAY! I'll be ordering Resonant Blue probably LE B Version, Kanashimi Twilight Limited with Booklet Taiwan version (yay for the cheapness), The 10th Anniversary limited box set thing Korean Version (cheap again, lol) and preordering THE Possible's new song (LE) which I can't even remember the name of but I love them and they deserve the support and my dear Aina looks FABULOUS on the covers! (and if I suddenly start to like the song at all, which at the moment doesn't look good, I will get Miki's returning single too)
* My cat Loves me and I adore her... Since being desexed and the dog being inside a lot she has been crazy lovey dovey with me and will not leave my side... She still has her bitchy streak though, thank god!
Loooooooong arse entry mode switched off!
(P.S. I have tried and tried but i cannot seem to get the Risako and her stuff on the same line, sorry!) Current Mood: lonely
|Wednesday, February 27th, 2008|
Konban wa minna-san!
Why am I still awake?
Why am I still awake yet not doing the much needed study that needs to be done?
Why am I tired but yet not sleeping?
Why am I in such bad mood the last couple of days?
I NEED to do something... I don't know what I need it is I need to do but its something... I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone else, but do you know the feeling when your, for lack of a better word, 'soul' just feels like it needs cleansing and its begging you to do something about that? Well that's what I'm like, its rather annoying actually. Stupid soul, grow a mouth and tell me what it is you want nag dammit! Maybe it wants meaning/a purpose, hmmm!?
Before i ramble on too much, i will try to drag myself off to bed now!
Next post is my Berryz Koubou list, which I actually had really nicely written out the other day but then my LJ forze and I lost it all which i couldn't be bothered rewriting at the time, so be prepared for some long ranting on how much I love Risako in my next post :-p Current Mood: worried
|Friday, February 15th, 2008|
Ok first things first, i just cut the back of my leg shaving, it hurts now :(
Next thing is, I finely made my cookies :D... I made a one heart shaped one, two sticks, a ball, a smiley face, angry face and worried face then just plain old boring ones.
Alrighty now onto the important part of this entry which is really only important to me but oh well, lol! Hello!Project rankings, YAY!!! Well only three of the groups but thats good enough... The way I like to explain this is that its a demographic study to see which members of Morning Musume, Berryz Koubou and ºC-ute appeal to the Western Hello!Project fan... In general its just a ranking of ur fave girls which gets pooled together by the guy who made the poll and then posts results... My point? Well i am gonna post my lists here, joy for you all! Current Mood: nauseated
1) Ai: I'm not entirely sure why she is my number one still, i think its mainly loyalty and her amazing voice/dancing... She is gorgeous too and she was the reason I started liking Morning Musume (although i miss her hair being long)... She has a really strange personality too so for me thats always entertaining but others find it boring... Being the leader as well she has instant appeal seeing she is pretty much the centre all the time, lol. Ok so its more then just loyalty ;-)
2) Risa: Gaki-san is great! That pretty much sums her up... She is adorably cute, extremely bubbly and friendly, stupid in a cute way and caring and nurturing like a mother... She has a sweet voice too which needs to get used more but from the moment she joined MM as the cute STUPID 12 yr old who thought the capital of China was Chan pon Chan, she has shined.
3) Reina: How doesn't love the badass Yanki who secretly has a heart of gold... When watching their tv show Reina is always the one I am looking out for to make me laugh with sarcastic comments (seeing Miki isn't there now), and the fact she never stops talking or spinning around on a chair during film makes her adorable... My top 3 are all very close in my rankings.
4) Eri: No idea why i have always liked Eri, i think its her cutesy shy attitude that makes her cool, although now she has become the goofy one of the group or the POKEPOKEPOO (airheaded) one as Risa calls her. She has awesome abs too, lol.
5)Aika: I love Mittsi, she is adorable and to keep why i love her short i'll sum it up in two words... CUTEE PIE!!!!
6) Sayumi: I use to hate Sayu coz she is so over the top with her "I'm so cute" act, but then Miki said there is a dark side to Sayumi and I can kinda see there is more to her, she's mysterious, it makes me like her.
7) LinLin: Much like Mittsi, she is a cutee pie with an infectious smile (Mittsi has that too) and I'm sad that she has to be so low... She is also a smarty pants who plays the piano and guitar.
8 & 9) JunJun and Koharu: Both of them I like a lot more then I use to, especially Koha coz I use to hate her, but someone has to come last.
I'll do Berryz and C-ute another time seeing this entry was much longer then I expected but at least now I have something to post about :p
Oh and to give credit to the right person the link for the poll is http://helloblog.co.uk/vote2/vote2.php its open to anyone.
|Tuesday, February 12th, 2008|
|My first try.
Well i decided to finally post something coz I have all of two friend (woo, go me!) and I am bored a lot these days, lol.
LJ still confuses me though... So far so good but i know all the whacky colours could almost give a seizure to the weak ones out there, but hell its the best and most creative I can be atm :p
Sooooo Valentine's Day in 3 days (2 technically but screw technicalities), i feel like doing something but have no idea what.. I don't think V day should just be about couples, its about happiness and love in general and surely that can mean friendships too :-D I think i will bake cookies and try to make them into hearts.
OK so basically i will try to post here coz we all need an outlet in life!
Ciao! Current Mood: bored